After all this time...

Ahh motherhood!! You are pregnant for 9 months carrying your child and bonding and nourishing your fetus. You are excited and anxious and ready to get that kid out of there. So 9 months down and years to go. You, as a mom, are up all night sacrificing your breasts to feed your baby as long as possible, for me it was two weeks, but hey it was a sacrifice!! You are up and down and sleep deprived and longing for just a minute of shut eye. You bathe, dress, feed and change the poopiest diapers imaginable...and for what? ...for your son to look you dead in the eye and say "da da"...I'm sorry, what!?!? You mean "ma ma" right?? No, no...he said da da. and the look of "hooray, you said your first word" turns into..."what the hell compelled you to say da da...I'm the one who has spent the most time with you the last 8 months of your life not to mention the 9 months you spent all warm and cozy in my womb!!" But...it is ok cus "da da" will get his one day...that is right...Mommies always prevail!! It is still cute the way he says it over and over...he will just have to learn "ma ma" REALLY quickly.

I love that sound...

After a long hard day at work with a bunch of crazies...I come home to the sound of silence...???? How is this possible...Nate is sick and usually screaming and the t.v. is usually blaring with some show I am sure we can't live our life without watching. But, tonight was different...I walked into silence. I couldn't believe my ears...had my wildest dream come true, certainly not...after all God is still getting me back for all those thing I did in my teens and early twenties. That is how children were "created" I'm sure of it... payback ....God's way of saying "HA!".

Nate was finishing a bottle and the dogs were relatively tame, which is a rarity these days. Matt was reading a book and feeding Nate at the same time...Don't even ask how it is possible for him to pay attention...just go with it. We played a nice game of Scrabble Slam in which I beat Matt's ass 5-0....yes I prevail as Scrabble Slam champion!!!! Yes, this is what we have succumbed to at 8:30 on a Friday night...awesome...yay parenthood!

I am actually having a cup or two or three of some delicious coffee so that I may stay awake long enough to see the joyous homosexuals dance around a bar tonight for my friends birthday. He wants us to Gay bar hop tonight and I have to say I am pretty excited about it...except the whole staying up past 10:30 pm thing...that might be my struggle tonight. Hence, the coffee....numerous cups of coffee...lets hope I survive this one!!!

Days with Daddy

Daddy gets to spend lots of time with Nate while Mommy goes to work. In between the times that Nate is screaming because he isn't happy, or not being fed fast enough, or doesn't want to sit he wants to lay down, or doesn't want to lay down he wants his exersaucer, or doesn't want to sit in the exersaucer he wants to swing or doesn't want to swing he wants to be held, there is a moment or two (sometimes only 2) that he is super sweet and does just the right thing to make everything all better! He likes to pend a lot of his time with daddy trying to crawl and I'm not sure I really want him to crawl yet!! It is so nice just to see him rock back and forth and get mad cus he wants to move so bad but can't. I do want him to crawl though, and I know it is coming soon...I just worry about the concrete floors that we have. Mommy does not have enough blankets and carpets to cover the floor so that when he face plants into it he is protected. Nor does mommy have enough money for ER visits to stitch up a head or pay for a skull fracture. So, let's hope things stay kinda like this for a while!

I'm so sick of poop...

I think in the last 3 days I have changed about 297 poopy diapers!! Nate has been sick with the "God knows what" virus and I can't even tell you how awful it feels to see your fireball of a son sit there and whimper like a dying dog....it kills me! And my bank account is dying because of the multitude of diapers I have had to purchase since Nate is pooping every 5 minutes. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but I don't have a choice but to deal with it. Now if I can just get poop control over all of the dogs and the Hubs...I'll be set!!

No amount of coffee in the world could prepare you...

I actually got to enjoy two nights in a row of a uninterrupted sleep! This is a true golden moment in my morning this morning. I thought that this was the preface to a great day.....boy, was I wrong!! I kept Nate home from daycare to spend time with him, as every loving mother would love to do, but, now I am almost wishing that I had let him go this morning!! Not only did we have poop up to our ears, but we have successfully flip ourselves over off of my lap and almost went head first into the concrete floor. Not that this would be the first time, but scary none the less. Then we flail ourselves out of our swing because we are so tired the thought of being calm and peaceful in a swinging motion was too unfathomable for a 6 month old!! Mommy would take it in a heartbeat...no flailing necessary!! Now, in the event that you have a screaming infant 2 feet away from you basically begging to be let out of his swing, I give you this sound advice...DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT pick up your cup of coffee for a sip of solace before you go console the screaming demon!!! This only ends up being the icing on the cake of your day and it is only 9:15am. I did this, you see, and I spilled my piping hot coffee all down the front of my self soaking my boobs, stomach, legs and toes...now I am sticky, I smell like vanilla and I think I even got coffee in my hair. lovely.....what a great start to Mommy/Nate day!!

How it all started

Ahh...the married life. Every girl dreams of a beautiful wedding with the perfect white dress and the perfect venue with the most amazing cake and presents for miles! So traditional and beautiful you almost kinda want to throw up in your mouth a little. I wanted all that and more. I wanted flowers for days, Gerber daisies to be exact, and so much tulle that even a gay man would be disgusted. But, that didn't happen quite as I had planned. I grew up and realized that I didn't have a million dollars to pay for a huge traditional wedding and who has the time to plan a wedding anyway? So, Matt and I do as most non traditional people, including, but not limited to, angry rebellious teens, poor people (ME, ME) and pregnant brides "doing the right thing", and get married at the court house! Now, of course, I wore black ( classy of course) and consulted my mom the morning of to make sure I had penny in my shoe and something blue attached to my body somewhere! So here we go...let the wedded bliss begin!!

Yay for beer drinking, drunk sex and lots of unnecessary things that make you feel important and accomplished, like ipods and computers, and an enormous amount of shoes! Then one day it all comes to a shrieking halt!!! ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....guess what honey...I'm pregnant!!! Now, most wives would be elated to have a cute little fetus growing inside of them. I had an "oh shit, how am I going to tell my mom" moment. As if I was 15 and had no means to support a child. I cried for an hour and half thinking I couldn't be a mom yet. I was 26 and in the prime of my life doing whatever I wanted when I wanted...the hubs and I ...we liked our freedom. So for 9 months we endured a borderline sexless, alcohol free ( well, I did anyway), enormous bellied pregnancy!!

Oh Pregnancy!!! Who knew all the ins and outs of pregnancy would be such a pain in the ass!! No one tells you all the gross and painful stuff that happens during these glorious months. They tell you how beautiful being pregnant is and how pampered people make you feel....umm excuse me!?! I was being handled like a freaking deck of cards by random strangers who felt compelled to touch and grope my belly WITHOUT my permission!! I DO NOT have "Petting Zoo" stamped on my forehead!! Don't tell me how much longer I have to go in this pregnancy, I am well aware that I am going to be miserably fat when my due date rolls around. DO NOT tell me that I am only going to get bigger...again, something that I notified myself of the day those two blue lines appeared! And, most certainly DO NOT tell me that I look chubby or zone in on my growing tits...they hurt...do not touch them nor do you need to make a spectacle of things that are engorged with gross leaking fluid...sorry, that was more for my husbands sake! Back to my original rant... Pregnancy is a beautiful thing for about 5 minutes when you feel something new and different...well the new things that don't hurt, of course. I loved feeling those little kicks and sometimes even liked it when he punched me in the ribs...HOWEVER, all the other things that happen to your vagina during pregnancy I could do without! As if pushing a human through there wasn't tragic enough!! You have to deal with other unmentionable things that would make men cry if they had to go through it!

So after 9 months of joyous, hellacious, painful, sleepless, restful ,fat, peace here comes the baby!! No one tells you that not only are you going to have to push a baby through your vagina, but you will be exposing it to about 527 people in the span of just a few hours!! I am pretty sure that all modesty went out the window the minute my fabulously gay intern welcomed my friend into the room by saying in a broadwayesque singing type voice " Welcomeeee" as if this were the damn circus! Thank God that the beginning of my contractions, which happened to be all the rage while during my pedicure at the nail salon, through the laboring process and birthing of Nate only lasted a mere 8 hours or so.

Oh he is beautiful...and purple, but beautiful. I sat up after giving birth, ate a sandwich and waited on my sweet bundle of joy to be brought to me! Well, this didn't happen for about 4 hours!! I mean I didn't want him to be on me fresh out of that cave! I wanted him cleaned off first but I didn't know that meant that I had to wait 4 hours to see him!! But, all is well after I get to rest and hold my sweet little Nate in my arms a hundred different ways with lots of poses to make the perfect Facebook photo!!

Fast Forward 6 months and boy was I in for it!! I can't go back now..all the poop and puke and sleepless nights have only begun!! I live for those little cries and cute little smiles and I actually count how many times a day that he poops! I thought I was never going to get a full nights sleep but, hey... I take what I can get, right? I wouldn't trade him for the world!! I mean, I could do without the blood curdling screams and the banging of his fists when he is mad and the throwing of the head into concrete floors when he is tired, but how could I!? He is the joy of my life and I am pretty sure the apple of my hubby's eye!! I can't wait for crayons on the wall and the throwing of food and pulling of the dogs tails and running through the house naked and screaming because he doesn't want to take a bath!! Oh for the things that lie ahead of me, I pray that I can stay sane and medication free!!! Wait, no...medication is alright...what am I thinking...clearly I wasn't...Bring on the Prozak!!






yes..I am on the phone while being stitched up...let the multi-tasking begin!!